My apologies for not staying consistent with this blog. I had really wanted to get to a point where I was posting daily (or at the least–every other day), but as some people in my closer circle already know, the company I work for has decided to eliminate my position. There was about a 30 day notice on this, so I’ve been spending time sending out resumes, filling out applications, and going to every one of the few interviews I’ve been called back for. It’s been rough and I don’t know where things will be in another 2.5 weeks, when it all ends.
With this going on, I’ve been trying not to fall too far behind on my school work, and to also edit a page or two as I can on The Open Book. I have sent the first ten chapters off to one of my editors, so it’s at least into that part of the process, and I’m still crossing my fingers for an end of year release. I have done very little writing aside from that, and while my soul is craving the chance to get back into it, I guess it’s something of a relief that my muses are rather hushed right now.
There is, of course, much more going on that just isn’t meant for here, and it does all have me thinking some pretty dismal thoughts. I say this because I think on how many times I’ve read or heard people say that this kind of darkness is the best sort to create from. Personally speaking, there’s too much survival mode happening for me right now to even consider it. I can’t even look at my basket of mending and small sewing projects and make sense of it, let alone churn out some kind of masterpiece. I wish I had the sort of drive those people are talking about to help me through this. It’s a cycle I seem to have been caught in for quite a while–tiny glimmers of light in a night that just doesn’t ever want to give way to dawn. I’m but a few breaths away from resigning to the reality that this is just how it is always going to be for me. Yes, I’m in that place, and there has been no indication–inside or out–that I am wrong. It’s been a very long time now that anyone has told me that I’m not alone–hard to believe otherwise now, and it gets more and more real each day.